 Pam Maddox |
memorial gift I have a question about giving a photograph as a gift to a widow who is a client where I am employed. They are very important people to us and we handle everything of theirs, business and personal. Her husband passed in a tragic accident 2 months ago. some time has passed and at this point, I want to give her something that will (hopefully) bring peaceful and loving thoughts of him...I want to express how much he is missed as he was one of those people who touched many....is this an appropriate gift? ...if so, any ideas? Please understand I am very inexperienced when it comes to this kind of situtation...if I am way off...please feel free to let me know. Thank you in advance for any advice in this matter! Pam
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W. |
I think it is very considerate of you to think about that, Pam. However, this is obviously a highly sensitive situation. I wouldn't take chances. Not with her feelings, nor with your employer's interests in her business. I would either consult someone close to her how she might react and then decide what you're going to do, or wait at least 6 months after the passing.
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Irene Troy |
Actually, Pam, I recently found myself in a similar situation. The husband of one of my clients died quite suddenly in a car accident. Just ten days prior to this, the client and her family had participated in an event where I did some pictures. I had a wonderful image of her husband leading one of our horses with her six year old son atop. Like you, I really didn’t know whether or not to give her the picture – you never know how anyone will react. In my situation, I had no boss or co-worker to ask, but I did talk with someone who knows the family better than I do and he thought it would be a good idea. I placed the image in a nice frame and delivered it to their home. Two days later the woman called me crying and thanking me while saying that this one image meant so much since it showed her husband doing something he loved – being outdoors with their son. Keep in mind that grief is different for every survivor and that there is no sure way to predict how someone will react to a gift that reminds them of their loved one. I think that in many cases such a gift can be seen as a way to remember the loved one and as a gesture of memorial. If the image is of the husband doing something where he looks like he is happy, I think I’d make the gift. Of-course, if there is someone who knows these people better than you do, that would be the person to ask. One final word of caution: if you do send the picture, do not be upset if you do not hear anything from the woman. Sometimes, when grieving, people need to isolate themselves or to keep an arms distance away from anyone they do not know well. Irene
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Pam Maddox |
great, great advice! I thank you both! Like I said, I have not had much experience with this so I often feel confused about the 'right' thing to say or do. I was thinking about maybe giving her a photo of something peaceful and serene and not say anything about memorial? Just a 'thinking of you' gift. I definitely have a ton of people to ask that would know about her reaction to this....thank you again and again!
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- Gregory LaGrange Contact Gregory LaGrange Gregory LaGrange's Gallery |
I've done that before. Go ahead. Nobody is not going to want to be reminded of a husband/wife, child like that.
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Pam Maddox |
real good point!
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Irene Troy |
Pam – just to clarify something that I wrote: when I used the term “memorial” I did mean that you should offer the image to the wife by saying that it is a memorial to her husband. I meant that you might think of your gift as a way to honor both the wife and her husband. Another little story to illustrate my point: My step-brother died (he had been sick for quite awhile so it was not a surprise) five years ago. Because of some family conflict, I ended up without a good picture of him, something I regretted. Just about a year after he died I ran into one of his old friends who gave me a picture of my brother and his eldest daughter. I was, and am, very grateful to this person for this gift that, to him, may not have held much meaning. Ultimately, you must be the one to make the decision as to the appropriateness of your gift and only those who know the wife will be able to help you determine when/if the appropriate time is for the gift. Irene
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